Doug's Diary of 1986

                                Week of October 6 - 12

MONDAY, October 6:  Because I went to bed last night a bit upset at my parents, I woke up with a terrible dream.  I knew that God was showing me that I had sinned by going to bed with bad feelings toward my parents.  I woke up later than expected, again.  I read my Bibles with the expectation that God would show me something pertinent for today.  God clearly spoke to me in Matthew 15:4‑8.  I am to honor my father and mother, and not make excuses to dishonor them "in the name of God."  It calls such a person a hypocrite.  Not all of the passage pertained to me, but it was clear that God was convicting me of sinning by not honoring my parents with a joyous phone call and listening to them, even when they are not right.  I repented to God, and I felt the need to call my parents.  I took a shower and prayed in the spirit.  I then called my mother, just before she was about to go to work.  It was divine timing.  My mother was so glad to hear from me.  She said that I started her day off great.  I apologized for my attitude last night and asked her and my father to forgive me, but she said that it was not necessary at all.  She said that she did not notice anything wrong and that she loves me.  I love them too.  (Just as I typed this in at 9:52 p.m. tonight, my mom called).  I ate breakfast with Craig, and continued to pray for about 30 minutes.  I went to Economy class.  Patty sat toward the front, and she became a slight distraction, but a pleasurable one.  I forced myself not to look in her direction even though I just enjoy looking and admiring her (including her back).  After class, I went to the computer room, and I did not even allow myself to stall after class to meet Patty.  It was painful, since I desire so much to interact with her.  I got two print outs of my programs, but I could not fix the sort program.  I went home and ate lunch, then studied some of chapter 4 in Circuits.  I went to COBOL class, and I realized my mistake as I glanced over my program listing.  It was not a JCL error, but a silly mistake in the program procedure.  I fixed it after class.  I went to Religion class then came home.  I received a phone call from Gwen Francis in Financial Aids office saying that I need to have Dr. Troutman send a letter to the Florida Academic Award committee stating that I was working on a project for the University and that I should be allowed to include my summer credits to count for the credits that I lost while working on this project.  USF can no longer do any more.  I called Dr. Troutman, but she was not too keen about this idea and I could sense that there were political reasons.  I did not worry, but it does seem that I will lose $1000 for the Florida Academic scholarship award for this year.  Was it God's will for me to drop those classes last year?  I think that God has guided my steps.  Is it a test or trial from God that I have lost my NEEDED scholarship and my NEEDED work money in order to totally trust God and not these things?  It is possible, and I am not worried.  Should I take out a loan and pay it back after graduating, thus putting me in debt, which is below my "needs" as I define them?  I ate dinner and read the rest of chapter 4 in the Circuits book.  I went to circuits class.  During the first 10 minute break, I asked Patty what her "needs" include when we say, "my God shall supply all my needs."  She has not really thought about it.  I explained that it could mean to have enough for yourself and enough to bless others with.  Or, it could mean to just stay out of debt, or just enough to live on with debt.  Obviously, the first two sound much better.  She then did exactly what I hoped she would do and she started to be inquisitive about why I asked her these things.  I told her that I am under financial strain.  She did the right thing again and asked "why", rather than just accepting my answer without concern.  I then explained, briefly, the problem with my scholarship and my job.  I wanted to tell Patty and get her opinion and approval of what to do.  I discussed the possibility of getting a loan and being in debt after college.  I think we both were aware that I desired to share my options with her because it would eventually effect her in the future after I graduate.  She did not have any wisdom in the matter, but she is content with "just getting by."  I think that this is the answer that I want to hear.  I just want to live a simple life with her, and enjoy her, as we live for God together.  During our second break, Patty shared a scripture that she received revelation on.  We rode our bikes home.  I typed in my diary from 9:45 till 10:22 p.m. then I memorized and went to bed.

TUESDAY, October 7:  (I fell behind in my diary and I am writing the next 5 days on 10/11/86.)  I woke up and took a shower, and I went to the prayer meeting.  William and Steve led it since Franco is in New Orleans.  I ate breakfast, then went to ECI to work on the Search routine in TOOLKIT.  However, I put in a full day's work without pay, since they do not have money to pay me.  They are paying Craig's minimum wage from Kim's paycheck from FCIC.  I accomplished a lot.  I was very pleased.  I went home, ate, then I started working on Engineering Economy when Detective Bill Pollock knocked on the door and showed me his badge.  It was exciting‑ I have never been visited by a detective before.  I knew that he came in reference to Dr. Troutman and the rumors made about her.  I was very friendly and glad to help him.  I volunteered to get out the box of my past work at FCIC, and we looked at the list of all the programs that I worked on during the first 9 months at FCIC.  He asked me some questions and I gladly and honestly answered him.  Detective Bill Pollock interrupted his own question and curiously asked to me, "Why are you being so cooperative?  I talk to people for a living and sense people's feelings and body language.  I don't sense any animosity from you.  You're relaxed, non‑threatened...  People treat me like I have the PLAGUE."  I laughed and smiled in modesty as I pointed to a picture of Jesus and I boldly proclaimed, "it's because Jesus is my LORD."  He said that he was told by others that if anyone could honestly help him it would be me.  He said that he heard that I was a devout Christian.  I told him that I am not just "religious" but I practice Christianity.  Although I answered all his questions honestly, I do realize that a person's attitude when speaking can sway a person to one side.  This is because there is good and bad in everyone and everything, it all depends upon how you look at it.  For example, if you could complain that the dormitories are terrible because they are so noisy and dirty; or you could be thankful for a cheap place to live where you are close to campus.  It's all a matter of your perspective.  Both attitudes are honest and correct, but each one is slightly biased.  Similarly, because I love Dr. Troutman, and because I am faithful to her, and because I feel that she does not deserve all this persecution (because she is somewhat innocent), my attitude of my honest words were slightly supportive of Dr. Troutman's side.  At 7 p.m. Rick, Jason, and his friend came to my door but I asked them to come back a little later since I have an unexpected guest.  I continued to help out the detective.  He left at 7:25, with a deep sense of trust toward me.  I was pleased that I was able to witness Jesus to him very practically.  He would like me to meet him and his police computer specialist tomorrow at 7 a.m. to show him the difference in TOOLKIT1 and TOOLKIT2, which seems to be the only "big" case against Dr. Troutman that I can see.  I started my Bible study with Rick, Jason and Chuck (his friend) at 7:30 p.m.  I taught on the basics of the Larry Lea revelation on the Lord's prayer of Matthew 6:9‑13.  They enjoyed it again.  It ended after 8:15 p.m.  I finished my Engineering Economy homework, then I read chapter 2 in Rice's book on the cross and total commitment.  I also read chapters 1 and 2 in the Bible Studies for a Firm Foundation book, as I prepared some of my thoughts for tomorrow's Bible Study.  I then went to bed meditating on scripture.

WEDNESDAY, October 8:  I woke up at 5:30 p.m. and I took a shower, then I prayed for about 1/2 hour before I going to the University Police station by 7 a.m. where I met Detective Pollock.  We then met Jim Ryan, the computer specialist, and we mostly discussed the Toolkit program, which seems to be the only valid case against Dr. Troutman's marketing at FCIC and ECI.  I showed them the listings of each program and how they differed mainly in the Plan a Lesson routine, but that was it.  However, I recalled that he said that ECI sold version 2 of TOOLKIT in February of 1986 to Polk county, which means that I worked on it at FCIC.  I obviously was under the impression that I was making changes in the TOOLKIT for FCIC and I was being paid by FCIC, yet ECI sold the program.  Like I said, I can see that this was obviously wrong, but I also know that this is probably the only "major" case against Dr. Troutman's dealings, since most of the other programs have been changed considerably since they came to ECI.  I again helped as much as possible, so that they could get to the bottom of this mystery.  I let them have a photo copy of the program names that I completed during the first 9 months at FCIC.  I also gave them the program source codes for these programs.  They will probably check ECI's catalog to see if they have the same programs and are selling FCIC property.  I was not sure, since I have been off those "smaller" projects for a long time.  I do not think that they will have too much of a case since these programs have been changed considerably to improve them.  Furthermore, the big question is "who owns the source code?‑ FCIC or the writers?"  I got back by 8:20 to eat breakfast.  I then went to class.  After class I went to the Flea market and waited for Patty.  She did not go to class.  She drove me to Steve's, where we picked up the table.  We took it to campus and I set things up.  I witnessed to one girl, who was a Catholic.  I then was led to witness to Harold Haffner, a Vietnamese by birth.  After going through the 2 question test, I preached more on the total commitment and high price that must be paid as a result of receiving Jesus, yet he still sensed that God was drawing him to pray with me, so I did.  He gave his life to the Lord.  It was the 4th person that I prayed with to give their life to the Lord.  I then talked about me following him up and we decided to meet at the U.C. from 5:05 till 5:20.  I took down his address and phone number, and I gave him the address to get to our church and home group.  He asked me, "Isn't Christianity like Buddhism."  He said that his mother was a Buddhist.  I stressed the importance of us meeting together for the first week to get the Word of God in him.  If not, then there is a good chance that he can fall away.  I went to lunch at 11:45, then went to COBOL class, then to Religion class where I took a 25 minute nap.  I went home and studied for the New Believer's Bible study tonight.  At 5 p.m. I waited for Harold, but he still had not come by 5:30, so I left.  He must have had 2nd thoughts about making a big commitment to Christ.  I ate dinner, then did some final preparations for the Bible Study.  I asked Robert to drive me to the Econo Lodge by 7 p.m.  Mike Galantini was in charge of the Meeting, and then I taught the New Believers the first two chapters of the BSFF book. I opened in prayer as I expressed my dependance on God.  I boldly led the study and seemed to do a good job.  My words were quite clear, and I had an excitement in me which helped present the message better.  Almost 20 attended.  I was surprised when everyone applauded me, but I told them that God helped me.  I was honored to have several people come to me and tell me how good I did, especially John, who said that I have a real gift of teaching and that God's spirit just anointed it beautifully.  I appreciated all the wonderful compliments.  I would have never known that they enjoyed it that much by just looking at their faces in the audience.  Some seem to be bored and disinterested, yet it seems like you can't go by their facial expressions.  I now see the importance of "looking" interested when Franco or someone speaks.  It is important to them that they know that they are doing well.  Robert and I went to my room so that I could disciple him.  I read my Newsweek magazine after we both read a newsletter from a "GRACE" church explaining their doctrine of "once saved, always saved."  We discussed this instead of going over Rice's book.  I went to bed after memorizing scripture.  I am very pleased with the way the Bible Study turned out.  God graced me.

THURSDAY, October 9:  I woke up, ate breakfast, and prayed and read my Bibles.  I went to the Dermatologist at 10:10, and had some warts freezed off.  The doctor and his assistant were impressed that I did not scream after receiving the painful freezing just below my middle finger on my hand.  I told them, "Imagine how painful it must have been for Jesus to have spikes driven through his wrists.  They were two pound nails."  I think that that got them thinking a little bit about Jesus.  I did not continue my conversation.  After lunch, I went to ECI to finish the NEWTOOLkit program.  I finished the Search routine, and the program looks excellent.  I finished exactly as planned, 5 p.m. today.  I went home to eat.  I studied my Engineering Economy, then went to Zeta 121 to teach Franco's Bible study at Mike Miranda's room.  John Barber, and Mike Hansen were there.  I preached on holiness, which was appropriate for the room full of "beautiful" girl posters from Mike's roommate.  His roommate came in and heard some of my powerful message.  I know God will convict him from it someday.  The seed has been planted.  We started at 9:40 and ended at 10:25 p.m.  I left and memorized before going to bed.

FRIDAY, October 10:  I woke up early, took a shower to cleanse me, and I decided to fast from last night's meal to Sunday morning's brunch to remove the yoke of bondage.  I do not like to miss my paid meals, so this must show how important this fast is.  I went to the Prayer meeting, which Cliff mostly led.  We went through the Larry Lea prayer guide.  I got home after 8 a.m.  I did not eat, but I read my Bibles before class.  I gave my two bagged lunches to Barry.  Patty sat next to me in Engineering Economy class for the first time so that she could copy my notes, since her glasses are being repaired and she cannot see far away.  I did not mind.  My thoughts and feelings were totally pure, though I did sense the sensation of her "presence."  Before class began she and I talked briefly about our homegroup tonight and the plans.  She suggested that we read a Forerunner article entitled, "Inspire your Friends to Greatness."  She warned me not to speak over people's heads.  After class, I asked her if I had done this in the past.  She said no, but that I could do it very easily.  She was just warning me.  I appreciated her warning and I asked her to help me so that I do not do anything wrong.  We sat on the wall outside till 10:05 a.m. and had a good conversation.  I listened to her as she shared her concern about falling behind in her other classes.  I tried to just listen, since I have told her over and over before what needs to be done, but she seems to never learn from her mistakes.  I expressed this concept to her.  I mentioned that if I can't inspire my closest friends, how am I going to be able to inspire the world.  I had her give me a brief summary of the Forerunner article, "Inspire your Friends to Greatness," which was in the December 1985 edition.  We were having a beautiful conversation, but then she had us go to the Engineering Test building to get past test of Mr. Skala's class in Circuits, which is what we were staying after class for.  We bought some previous tests.  I bought Patty a set of tests so that she would not have to spend precious minutes photo copying them.  I told her that the time she saves, we could use by talking with each other.  We started walking our bikes home, then I had us sit on some benches in the shade.  We had an excellent discussion. She said that in order to motivate and help the other person attain "greatness" one must hold the other accountable to certain standards.  I asked how she feels when Kellie does not respond to her set standards.  As a result of her sharing her feelings toward her roommate Kellie when she does not perform to her standards of "greatness," she could then understand my exact feelings toward her without me having to say it.  She know can understand me, at least in this area towards her.  I asked her why a person desires to see another person attain "greatness" and why the person constantly tries to inspire the other to "greatness".  Without me saying anything, she knew how I feel about her by answering my question by saying, "because the person cares for the other and loves them."  We continued to walk our bikes home, though I wanted to stay seated and talk more.  Our talk led me to reveal my inner most thoughts.  I asked her in what ways she inspires people to greatness, and she answered it in reference to her home.  I then asked her in what ways she has inspired me.  She could not really think of any ways.  I expressed very softly that I desire encouragement from her and for her to inspire me.  However, I also told her that a couple weeks ago, God showed me that I should rely totally on Him for encouragement for now, and not on Patty.  I explained how I look to Patty as an example, and if I was to put forth as much effort as she does toward school, I would not do well at all.  We met Evelyn from the 11th floor as we walked toward Fontana.  Patty and I ended our conversation by talking about the home group tonight.  I told her that I am reluctant to talk about the article, "Inspire your friends to greatness," when it reminds me of her and how it has not been very effective.  I told her that someday God will use me to inspire the world, but there is a good reason why I am not being productive right now.  She will support me and encourage me tonight.  I read my Bibles.  It was May 9, 1986 that Patty and I were homegroup leaders for the first time.  It just so happened that I read the exact same scripture that I meditated on May 9 1985 when God gave me my first revelation that Patty is my "heart's desire," Psalms 37:4.  Similarly, today is the second time that we are to be home group leaders, and I read in Matthew 19 another passage pertaining to marriage.  In verse 5, "For this cause a man shall leave his father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife; and the two shall become one flesh'? Consequently they are no longer two, but one flesh.  What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.  I then worked on Engineering Economy homework.  I read the article "Inspire your friends to Greatness," and also the 2 articles that I was planning on discussing tonight.  However, Patty's article seems more appropriate.  I prayed for Patty a little to learn from our discussion, since I think that it was divinely brought about from her suggestion that we do her article.  I shared everything that has been on my heart about her for the past 2 months or longer.  I also prayed that I did not say too much.  I took a 2 hour nap meditating on these prayers.  I planned some things for tonight, but I did not do nearly as much planning as I should have or would have, if I did not believe that God would grace my abilities and the time tonight.  I depend on God much more now, rather than the arm of my flesh.  Patty called me and we discussed our plans a little more.  She ended her phone call with a scripture, Romans 15:13.  I think that it suggests that our hope should lie in God alone, not just in men (like her).  I want to share this point tonight.  I went to Franco's apartment and entered with his keys.  I prayed for more than 20 minutes before the first guests came.  Patty came at 7:30, so we did not get to pray together as was planned.  We all fellowshipped for the first 45 minutes.  I encouraged people and took attendance as I met everyone.  Rick Downer and Jason attended.  Mike Miranda, Carl, Mike Choinhard, and Ralph practiced their little skit.  As soon as they were ready, I opened in prayer, and we had them perform their 5 minute skit which entertained us with much laughter.  Afterwards, Patty and I did a skit that I planned for a long time.  Patty only had to say a total of 2 sentences.  The skit lasted for less than a minute, and then I explained it for 2 minutes.  The group was very entertained and they want to have skits as often as possible.  I then went over the vision and purpose of homegroups and why we should share testimonies in the group.  Everyone was very receptive of what I had to say.  I somehow established an "open" atmosphere in which people felt free to share.  We discussed some ideas that we would like included in our future homegroups.  The main thing that I emphasized is that the success of a homegroup does not just rest in the leader, it rests in everyone, as every joint supplies the need.  Everyone should share and encourage one another.  I did not feel too much pressure to "perform" since I realized that it was not up to me to "say everything", though I did say many things.  The leader should be the one directing the flow of communication, but it should not be dominated solely by him.  His job is to create an atmosphere in which people want to share.  Jason and Rick left after 9:30, but I had them share something before they left.  We read the article on "Inspiring your friends to Greatness" by Helen Ball.  Each one read a paragraph, then we discussed it.  I taught a powerful word about encouragement.  Mike Miranda asked, "what do you do if there is no one around to encourage you."  I then preached the message that God had given me to speak tonight, pertaining to this question.  We are to receive our primary motivation, inspiration, and encouragement from God, and not depend on others to lift us up.  What would happen if the leaders were gone and there were no one to encourage you?  Would you continue to be as faithful a Christian as you have been, or would you be down because no one can lift you up.  We must look to God as our primary inspiration and allow Him to inspire us.  If others encourage us and lift us up, then all the better, but we must not depend on others, but on God.  However, it is our duty to give people that extra encouragement and inspire them to greater things.  We closed in prayer by praying for each others' needs.  Carl said in everyone's midst, "Lets give Doug a hand.  I think this was one of the best home groups we have had.  And it was mainly because of Doug."  I was honored.  Yes, the leader has a lot to do with it, but the success was determined by every member participating.  This is my job.  I have subconsciously learned a lot from Math Team competitions and some of Hong Wing's implied ideas of a team captain and a team.  It does not rest in one individual, but that individual must be able to utilize the strengths of each individual.  Mike Hansen said to me something like, "I learned a heck of a lot more from you and your teachings than I have ever learned from Franco.  I learned about 50% more from hearing you than Franco..."  He said this not to put down Franco, but he was just giving me an extremely nice compliment on my teachings.  Others said other nice compliments to me.  Rhonda and some others said that the atmosphere was so open for sharing.  She said that people are a little intimidated about sharing for fear that they would say something wrong or that is not right to Franco.  I explained to Rhonda, Carl, and Patty, that this is how I feel in praying in a big group with Franco in our midst, but when I am praying with just another brother, then I am very open and I share a lot.  I stated that the openness was also because there was not a "dominant" leader who everyone is looking to, to control the conversation.  I was very careful to try to promote an open atmosphere, though we did not have too much time to share.  I have also learned a lot from Zig Ziglar about being a leader who gets people's cooperation.  Patty said that she was impressed with the way things went.  At 11 p.m., we had some surprise guests that led us in a Latin CELEBRATION with beautiful singing and dancing.  I enjoyed the singing, but I did not want to dance.  I rationalized to myself, "it's Friday night, so the neighbors probably won't mind the noise; besides, these walls are not like Fontana which you can hear a conversation in the next room."  I did not feel any conviction that what we were doing was wrong.  However, 10 minutes later, (just after we stopped), we got a phone call from a neighbor complaining about the noise and the stomping on their ceiling.  He was very upset and told me that Franco would get in trouble for this.  All I could say was that I am sorry.  I was a little down about the call, but I did not let the others know everything that was said, though they sensed that the neighbors had complained.  After most people left, I silently shared the phone call and my feelings with Patty.  We wrote a note to Franco saying that things went great, but the neighbors complained at the end about the noise.  Patty did not sense that what we were doing was wrong either, and she said that it would have "quenched" the spirit to stop it.  Although my conscience rationalized that there was nothing wrong, it is obvious that it was wrong since we did disturb the neighbors.  I am sorry.  However, I think that the homegroup tonight was a great success.  We left at 11:45.  I went to bed after meditating on a known scripture.

SATURDAY, October 11:  I did not wake up till 8:15, which did not bother me, since I needed the rest.  Only Mike Miranda and Mike Hansen came to the 8:30 Bible study.  I taught about motives for doing things and that we should "do all to the glory of God."  We ran about 1 1/4 miles in 9 minutes and 30 seconds.  I took a shower, then Robert called me and asked if he could come over so that we could have our discipleship meeting.  He had overslept since he was up late last night because of the trouble between his roommates Andy and Ralph.  Robert and I went over chapter 2 in Rice's book on "The Cross‑ Our call to follow."  We ended at 10:50 a.m.  I prayed for an hour and read my Bibles.  I did not eat all day.  I started to study COBOL, but I fell asleep for awhile.  I woke up and finished what I was doing, then I read many pages in my Philosophy of Religion book, since I have a test on Wednesday.  I don't think that I have the ability to be a theologian or a great thinker, but I do have a greater ability to think about matters than others.  I am having a little trouble studying since I feel very week and tired from fasting.  I called Ron Davis, the man who invited me to speak with him at the Florida Math Teachers' conference next week at the Holiday INN in South Tampa.  I will be speaking next Friday at 11:30, and we will meet together at 11 a.m.  I need to prepare something soon.  I read the first lesson in the "Could You not Tarry One Hour?" book.  I memorized Mark 1:35 before bed.

SUNDAY, October 12:  I woke up at 6:40 and did my laundry.  I was very weak and it was hard to smile, but I made an effort to.  I read my Bibles.  Danny, was too busy working to be able to have a little Bible study.  I prayed for 1/2 hour, then took a shower, then prayed informally between that time and the time that I got to church.  I seemed to have some extra energy as I walked into the Econo lodge and met Franco and sensed his pleasure.  He complimented our home group for leaving scriptures all around the house, since it was very encouraging for him and Mary Lou.  He said, "especially the one that said, '1 Cor. 10:31'"  I was extra happy, and said, "that was mine."  I felt energized and strong as a leader.  This energy wore off when the service began.  Raymond, from Jamaica, preached about having a world vision of dominion.  He also shared a few of his miraculous healings in Jamaica.  I rushed home to Fontana just before they closed brunch.  I ate a great meal, though it was bigger than I should have eaten to break my 68 hour fast.  I took a longer nap that I wanted to, after I started to read my Philosophy of Religion book.  I woke up and ate dinner.  I was alone at a table, but Carolyn, a 40ish lady majoring in media, sat down with me.  She said that she guessed that I was the one who is the Christian who has Bible studies.  We had a good talk.  I finished reading my Philosophy of Religion book.  I typed in my diary for the end of Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.  I went to bed after meditating on scripture Nehemiah 4:14.